could you please edite my essay with my professor’s recommendation?
You have to identify the two arguments. It’s not necessarily Washington vs. Beijing as you have discussed, but rather the arguments behind them:
Argument 1: A society’s political and economic institutions are the fundamental causes of the society’s economic performance, and therefore, democracy and a market-oriented economy with private property rights create a win-win situation for economic development.
Argument 2: Based on the example of China’s development, one-party authoritarianism and state-led capitalist policies are the right formula for the developing world because democracy stirs up disunity and conflict, which distort and slow decision making to the detriment of the overriding goal of mobilizing massive amounts of investment for long-term growth.
Your thesis statement needs to state which argument is more convincing and WHY. Your current thesis statement is about the Washington Consensus and does not state WHY. Then, like I said in the assessment form, you need to support this idea throughout the essay, which is only what you did in the conclusion. Finally, it is not necessary to include the history behind the Washington Consensus and the Beijing Consensus because you need to focus on the arguments rather than those.